Day 201 (I think.)

I had my final meeting with my surgeon today. Basically, my foot is still more unstable than I would like. He said the only surgical way to deal with that would be a foot fusion. I already have a small one on the right side, but this would be more on the top. It would prevent my foot from moving like a normal foot. There is no way in hell I would even consider that at this point. The foot is better than it was, but not as good as I had hoped. I am going to try bracing and perhaps wedges in the lateral side. He told me to talk to my PT about those things. I also am going to continue physical therapy with a focus on balance, proprioception and strength. My balance and proprioception are evaluated as "poor" so I certainly want to work on those. He said I will probably always have minimal proprioception and will just have to keep an eye on where I am putting the foot and be careful.

I asked about removing the screw on the 5th metatarsal and it is doable but I think I will wait and see if I can just adjust. It would take a while for it to heal and the chance of breaking it again would be higher. Time will tell.

I am still glad I had the surgery. The foot is better than it was. I wish things had worked out better, but I have no regrets.

Day 183

Yesterday was the 6 month mark, and I am finally glad I had the surgery. On average, the docs said I will be at 80% of what my foot will eventually be at 6 months. I would guess that I am at 70% of what I had conservatively hoped for. If things get better, I will be very happy, but if they don't, at least the foot is more functional than it was.

I had hoped to wear a lot of the shoes in my closet that have been bought over the years and then turned out to not work for my feet. I'm not sure that will happen, but it's been fun buying new shoes. I'll never be able to wear heels, but I've never wanted to. The brands that seem to work the best are Haflinger and Finn Comfort. The latter is very expensive - as in $200 to  $300 dollars, but well worth it. I can't wear all of their styles because the toe box is not deep enough, but the ones I can wear are extremely comfortable. The Haflingers are less expensive - about $100. They have a wide and deep toe box and are really stable. They mainly have wool clogs. These shoes seem to work better than tennis shoes which is a shame because I've always been a tennis shoe girl.

The biggest downside about the whole experience has been that I've developed some pretty painful back issues. I'm still working on dealing with that. It gets worse at night and is sometimes so painful I can't sleep. Every time I try to work out or even swim, I make it worse. I think I just don't know how to start over from square one which is stupid because I've done it before. I'm forcing myself to just walk and am going to try to go back to the gym this next week and use the treadmill and some really conservative weights. Hopefully I can slowly work up to being strong again because I miss it.

I would recommend the surgery to someone thinking about it. Make sure you get the most experienced doc you can, hook up with a good physical therapist and do the exercises religiously. Plan on it being hard, boring, frustrating, not only on you but on your loved ones.

Off to meet friends for dinner.

day 167 (I think!)

Wow! Dec. 1st is 6 months. I was told my foot will be at 80% at 6 months. Things have been going well. The foot is definitely better than it was before surgery. I try to think of what percent better it is and I really can't do that accurately. I can, however, say that it is probably 60% of what it was at its best - say, 20 to 30 years ago. I can walk carefully across a lawn. I still have to be careful when I'm out walking and keep an eye on the walking surface, but I've always had to do that so to me, that's normal. When I'm tired, the foot is less stable. I'm happy I did the surgery, I had hoped for more, but I now feel confident out walking the dogs. I have not been hiking yet and may just start on the local trails in parks to see how it goes.

Shoes. I can wear more than I could wear before surgery, but no back clogs are more of an issue. I think it's because my toes are useless as far as helping to hold things on  my feet, so the clogs want to go sideways on me. Not all clogs do that, but some do. I didn't have that problem before. Time will tell if that improves but my PT says he thinks the toes will continue to be useless.

The only real pain I have is where I got the screw for my Jones fracture. I'll bring that up at my next appt. with the surgeon. I suspect it's not one that can be removed. I've been putting a restickable gel cushion on it and that helps a lot.

I'm also ready to try going without the compression sock.

Time to do my PT.

Pain 0 to 1, swelling 1

Day 143

Things are definitely looking up. I still have pain - mainly on the outside side of my foot where I broke my 5th metatarsal a few years ago. It was a Jones fracture, for those of you who know what that is. I think the screw is causing some of the pain but am not sure if it can be removed. I'll ask at my next appointment which is not until Dec. 20th. The whole foot reconstruction stuff bothers me less. My toes are still a bit numb and this morning the ball of my foot on the right side was numb - that was new. Occasionally the heel hurts a bit, but not much. I recently had a lot more swelling than I had been having and there was swelling in the entire foot, not just the top and front like it has been in the past. It lasted about 2 weeks. That seems to have gone away. Maybe because I was sick and slept a lot so I was off the foot more. Who knows. I also tried one day to go without the lovely compression sock and that was a mistake. The socks are ugly, but they sure do make a difference.

As far as walking goes, there are days and moments when the foot feels strong and I can walk well, but that is maybe 1/4 to 1/3 of the time. Today I was walking on grass at a school and my foot was actually handling the barely uneven terrain really well. I was so happy. I had hiking boots on, though. It may have been a different story if I'd had regular tennis shoes on. My dog made me walk clear across the football field to clean up after him and, for the first time in a long time, I didn't think, "That's too far to walk." It was a wonderful feeling. The leg muscles are still weak. Physical therapy has helped so much and I continue to go and push him for new exercises to do to make me strong and stable. My therapist and the people in his office are upbeat and more than willing to work hard with me to keep tweaking things. I am so thankful I found this place. I am walking anywhere from 1/3 to 1/2 mile with the dogs. I was pushing it about two weeks ago and going a mile, but I started getting a lot of pain and had to back off. The therapist says by Halloween I should be able to do a mile. I have my fingers crossed!

I'm still kind of scared that I won't ever be able to walk long distances or hike again. I'm not asking to walk 20 miles or to do really steep hikes. I'd just like to do the moderate trails again. Time will tell and you can bet I'll do every exercise I can do to try to get back there (:

Pain 0 to 2, swelling 1 to 3

day 124

About 9 days without the cast and things are getting better, but slowly. There are times I find myself walking with this incredibly natural gait, loose body, hips and shoulders just doing their thing... but most of the time walking is still something I have to be conscious of. Since I'm conscioous of it, I think it makes me walk stiffly, but I still really need to concentrate to move the foot in a "normal" range of motion. I find myself falling back to limping even when I don't have to. Kinda weird. Learning to walk is definitely a challenge. Finding shoes that work is hard. Most of my old favorites are worn down to fit my old foot and I have a closet full of seldom worn shoes that at this point aren't quite right. Some I may never be able to wear, but I suspect many I will use eventually. Just need to get to where the foot and leg are stronger and less sensitive. I'm hoping to get time to run up to a Brooks outlet to find a new pair of tennis shoes.

Today I am really swollen. I went without the compression sock yesterday and, it being the weekend, probably did more than I should, and it was very sore and swollen at the end of the day. I'd also been stubborn enough to take the dogs to a schoolyard with uneven ground and, of course, they messed on the steepest parts so I had to go on those to clean it up. I did not have the most supportive shoes on (stupid, I know.) It made me realize just how far I still have to go. Walking on the steep lawn was a major challenge. I kinda tweaked the top of my foot and I found myself wishing I'd brought a cane. I've definitely come a long way though. I can kick now when I swim. I definitely cannot push off from the side of the pool, but the kicking is very natural. I am walking a bit over 1/2 mile with the pups and would probably go more if my Rottie weren't still healing from double ACL surgery. I've moved to a red thera band (from yellow) when I do foot exercises and can stand on my right foot only for about 30 seconds, but am still holding onto a counter so I don't fall over(:

day 115

Two days without the cast. It, so far, feels better than I thought. This evening, the foot felt tired and sore; a bone sore. It wasn't unbearable, but I knew I needed to take it easy for the evening. My husband has been pretty amazing. He's been cooking more than me lately. That gives me a break in the evening when I'm the most tired and the foot needs to just chill.

The back is a different story. The bones/muscles in the lower back, each about 2 inches to the side of the spine are still a big problem. I think this is something that was a little bit of a problem before surgery, but I kept my back really strong with swimming and weights so it wasn't too bad. After 3 months of sitting on my butt and not working out, I'm no longer strong. Since I began walking in the cast, those back muscles have gotten worse and worse. I went to the Chiro yesterday and it was not my usual guy who is always careful. When the new guy adjusted the lower back, my body just screamed and so did I. It hurt so bad! Then I went for a massage and as she was moving down my back on either side of the spine, those muscles seized. I screamed. The poor lady. I was trembling it hurt so bad and did not want her to even touch my back again. She applied heat and worked on the leg for a while and once she got back to the spine, it was relaxed enough that she could gently massage it. Needless to say, I was on pins and needles the whole time so left the office worse off than when I arrived. I came home and took a muscle relaxer and that finally at least calmed things down enough that I could move without worrying that the back was going to seize again.

I have to keep reminding myself of the progress I have made and that I need to be patient. On a really positive note, I walked in our pasture with my shoe (as in no cast) today and I'm pretty sure the foot feels way more stable. That's what I wanted, so let's hope it wasn't just wishful thinking.

pain 1, swelling 1

day 113

I am getting to the point where I think the cast is doing more harm than good to my body. My back continues to scream in spite of massage, chiropractic and being careful to try to not make it shriek. It is because one leg is shorter than the other and I have yet to find a left shoe that matches the height of the cast. My PT said to start going longer without the cast (like 15 + minutes at a time) and in my head I knew the thing would not touch my foot when I am home. I just can't. Ok, I guess if the foot starts hurting more than the back, I'll wear the cast more, but I hope that does not have to happen. I think the leg is ready. I know it will be a challenge. I can do it (: The leg does feel a bit stressed, but I figure that's part of making it stronger.

Walking normally is still a struggle. I tried to do it yesterday for my PT, and it was a dismal failure. I keep wanting to roll out (but not as much as before), the length of my steps is uneven, I want to walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame with a shuffling, lurching gait. It's all very ugly. He gave me a "modified duck walk" to do in the evening for 5 to whatever minutes. I imagine it's designed to retrain the brain more than the foot. I have to slightly bend my knees and walk so I will bend at the junction of the foot and the leg. It was hard to do, but most things get easier with practice, so.................

My toes hurt today, especially the tip of the 4th one. They're not used to walking in shoes. My only thought is they better suck it up and deal with it.

I'm swimming and weight-lifting again. I started all over from ground zero and have been adding laps or reps more slowly than I want, but it is working. My arms are stronger especially. The legs seem to be slower, but I did notice what I think is a teeny bit of definition in the right calf. Pretty exciting. I need to measure it so I know for sure if it is getting stronger or if it is just wishful thinking.

Pain 1 in the toes, swelling 1.

day 110

The cast is still on my foot -aaaaaarrrrgggghhhh! I am going castless 2 times a day for 5 minute intervals, but do stretch that a bit when I'm in the middle of something like loading the dishwasher or straightening the house. I don't stretch it much - I want to follow my PT's instructions as well as possible. The foot/leg is getting stronger and those 5 minutes get easier and a bit more "graceful" each time. I put graceful in quotes because none of it is very fluid; I feel like I'm walking crooked and it feels clumsy. The back is still screaming off and on. Massage with a good therapist works wonders, but what I really need is to get the cast off. My PT says about 10 days and I can start getting it off for way more time. My fingers are crossed. Swimming also helps the back and I'm working on getting back up to a mile. It is slow work because I don't want to overdo it and have to go backwards. I began with 12 laps and am going to do 22 to 24 today. I'm adding two laps a week. I also started at ground zero on weights. That is really hard because the mind keeps saying, " 30 pounds," and I have to do 10. I guess all good things come with time. One my coworkers had a fusion last year and he keeps telling me I just have to be patient. Easy to say, hard to pull off!

Pain - 1, Swelling 1 - 3.

Day 102

I had my follow up with my new PT. Again, the guy impressed me. He had me do all the exercises he had given me. As I was doing them, he and his employees were kinda in and out checking my form. He asked if anything was bothering me and when I said yes, he watched me do the exercise and showed me an alternative way to do it so it wouldn't bother my knee. He showed me how to watch in a mirror as I do my toe lifts (sitting, not standing) and how to keep my heel from wobbling as it goes down.We talked about the foot still wanting to roll out even in the cast and he showed me that if I shortened my steps and concentrated that the foot would stay more level. We also talked about the gym and what to do and not do there. I trust him, so I asked point blank if he really thought I could improve because I was feeling a bit defeated. He said ,"Yes," and that my biggest challenge was going to be to retrain my brain to not allow my foot to do what it's been doing for so long. So I've been working hard on doing things carefully and thoughtfully. I think I already notice a difference. I can kinda tell when the foot is kinda turning out and today after PT, the gym and swimming realized it was too tired to stay in proper form so sat and relaxed for a while. I'm not as far along as I had hoped by now, but think the things I am doing are helping, so............ Must be patient.

Day 99

Ok, so I'm kinda depressed. I went to my 12 week appointment and the doc told me to take off the boot and start walking. He said to let pain be my guide. I thought I was to do physical therapy that day as the packet they gave me before surgery said the 12 week appointment had that in it. I asked. He said he'd send me if I wanted to go. I went. The therapist said there was no way I should be walking with the limp I still had. I'd also noticed I was still walking on the edge of my foot even in the boot.She spent a lot of time with me, I asked a lot of questions and she sent me home with a small list of exercises and a gradual walking schedule. It turns out my foot is still turning out. She said that I have to retrain my muscles and my brain. She also said to find a PT where I live and have follow up with them. I know a good one, so I said I'd contact him. She said he might override what she said and to follow his guidelines since he will be the one following up. I left a bit overwhelmed and knowing I had my work cut out for me.

I started out on the routine she gave me and immediately had issues. One, I was supposed to do these inversion exercises with a yellow resistance band. I don't know why she didn't give me one, but she didn't. I could not find one in the stores so I did those exercises without one until I went to see the PT by my house because I knew he'd give me one. The PT at my surgeon's office said I was supposed to begin walking without the boot 2 times a day, beginning with 1/2 hour and increasing (if possible) the time by 15 minutes a day. When I was without the boot (inside only for at least 2 weeks or longer), I was to concentrate on walking with my foot and leg in "proper form", as in not rolling out. That was way too much and within three days my foot and leg were too tired to even do it in proper form. She had said to do it in "quality, not quantity" steps, but I felt like I had not pushed it and it was still too much.

Then I went to the guy here. He said no walking without the boot yet because he agreed that with all the things I had done, that was too much too soon. He gave me a schedule of things to do, carefully showed me how to do them, gave me a handout that explained them, had me do them there and set up another appt. three days later. He also gave me a yellow resistance band. Duh. I'm not sure if I was supposed to buy one at the other place or what, but I was so overwhelmed with all the things she told me that I just didn't think. She also did not give me any sort of a handout so it was hard to remember everything. I saw the new guy yesterday and I am doing his exercises with more success than the things the other place told me to do. His routine is more conservative and he actually explained the rationale behind them in a way that made more sense. For example, I had my toes straightened and have been bending them down since 6 weeks. I thought this was a simple stretch, but he said it is really designed to break up the scar tissue that forms and pushes your toes up again. Because of that, you need to do it more than a stretch - say at least 5 times a day. I was never told how often to do it, assumed it was a stretch and was doing it twice a day.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I guess the summary is I am bummed that my foot is still not boot free, feel a bit misled and neglected by the surgeon's PT, am happy with the new guy and want to be normal now, not later. I also worry I'll never get over the rolling out thing. I am determined to make the best of whatever happens and remind myself daily that I plan to kick butt again some day.

Pain 1 in foot, was up to literal screaming pain in my back due to the gait I have in the stupid boot, but am now wearing a smaller boot I had lying around and things seem to be getting better. Swelling 1 to 3.

day 90

Tuesday is my 12 week appointment where, I assume, I will find out if I can walk without the boot. I think I'm ready. I've been able to stand on the foot when I get out of the shower and change position using the bare foot. I am not totally standing in the shower right now because it scares me since the tub bottom is not totally flat and it gets slippery. I've been keeping it squeaky clean to make it less slippery, but it still is a bit nerve racking. The other night when my husband was out of town, the house alarm system went off. I don't sleep in the boot. I leapt out of bed and scrambled, barefoot, to see what the heck was going on. Once I got to the control panel and figured out it was just a malfunction, I realized I had actually walked without the boot! I'm sure it wasn't graceful, but I still did it. That was pretty cool. Walking back to bed was much slower and probably even less graceful. I've been walking the dog (boot on) about 1/3 of a mile - maybe a bit more and yesterday, with the help of Naproxen, was able to stay up and very active all day. Unfortunately, I can't take NSAIDS too often because they don't agree with me, so I try to be really careful.

Swelling has improved massively. It still swells, but doesn't seem to go past a certain point, but of course, I'm not out doing stupid things. One thing that hurts it pretty badly and will cause more swelling is if I abruptly step hard on it - kinda just plopping it on the ground. Going down stairs is a challenge because I have to set it down carefully or I get these sharp pains that last for a few seconds followed by increased pain and swelling for the day.

I have not been going to the gym and that drives me crazy. I've squished out so badly. The main reason I'm not going is that my back has been really cranky. It's an issue I've had off and on for quite some time, but walking on the cast with one leg higher than the other has just made it much more constant. Every time I go to the gym, I just make it way worse. Maybe I just need to take it easier in my workouts and break myself in carefully, but I get there and just go into automatic and forget I need to basically just start all over.

I still feel confident about how the foot will perform once all is said and done. I certainly hope my confidence is not misguided.

Pain 0 to 3, swelling 1 to 3

day 86

In 6 days I go for my 12 week follow up, even though yesterday was actually 12 weeks. I think I am ready to try walking without the boot, but probably at first with a crutch. That thought is based on the fact that I felt like my leg and foot would  collapse when I tried it a while ago. I am scared, but can't wait.

I pretty much go back to work tomorrow. I'm a teacher and school doesn't start until next week, but I've been in my room working the last 2 days and have training the next two days. My foot handled yesterday well - 4 hours total at work. Today I did 6 hours and the foot was pretty sore after I got home and fixed dinner. I'm nervous to see how it goes once the kids arrive.

As far as how is the foot doing compared to the last 3 months, I guess pretty good. It is definitely not swelling like before. It does swell, but maybe to a 3 or a bit more. The toes are still the problem kids, and my forefoot, especially on the bottom, gets pretty sore. I can't tell if that's from the cast or not. I'm hoping once I get into real shoes, that the bottom of my foot pain improves. I certainly know that my Croc sandals have more cushion than the cast, but I don't think sandals will cut it at first. My toes are still pretty numb. It is so weird to clip the nails because I can't feel the clippers with my toe tips and have to rely totally on eyesight which isn't 20/20 any more - to say the least. Right now the original break (a Jones fracture, for those of you who know what it is) is achy. It was that fracture that finally threw me over the edge as far as loss of stability and lots of pain. Hopefully that will be improved.

Pain 1 to 2, swelling 1 to 3.

day 74

Just like all the other foot blogs I've read, as soon as we start getting more mobile we hardly post any more. I know, for me at least, it's just so nice to be able to do something that the last thing I think of is blogging.

An update of how things are going - basically, well. I am 100% weight bearing but prefer using a cane when I walk across a lawn or uneven ground. I think that is more because the stupid cast is a bit wobbly. Also, I really have very little strength in the muscles on the outer portion of the cast, so don't trust them to hold me if something happens. I plan to discuss this with the physical therapist when I see her next. Walking or weight bearing without he cast is just barely becoming possible - still more in my mind than anything else. I did barely stand in the shower yesterday, but had a Teva type sandal on to give me padding. It was scary to use the uncasted foot and I was very tentative. I'm excited to get to the point of standing in the shower without a bath stool there as backup because that means I can go swimming and shower afterwards. The nurses told me that at about this time I can start experimenting with wearing a shoe.  The limiting factors right now are definitely swelling, pain and being able to get by without the cast on. I suspect the pain and swelling will continue for quite some time. Such is life.

Pain - 0 to 3, Swelling 1 - 5.

day 64

Celebrate! The last few days have been wonderful! I was doing the 75% weight bearing using one crutch when I noticed that I was often bearing 100%, so I began to experiment. One thing led to another and there really was very little pain but a bit more swelling. So yesterday while working in the kitchen on automatic, I simply "forgot" about the stupid crutch and found myself working without any support other than the cast. One thing led to another and I am now very carefully and clumsily walking. In ways I'm disappointed because I was so looking forward to that OMG moment when I stood on one side of a room, ditched the crutches and walked.I pictured myself cheering like a marathon finisher at the end.  This just happened - no celebration - no preplanning. The celebration comes in the way the world has opened up. Those of you who have been through this definitely get it. I have hands! I can go up and down steep stairs without being nervous, but, best of all, I can drive!

The driving actually happened the day before yesterday. I had a dentist appointment the next day and no one could take me. I did not want to cancel so decided to try driving. One short trip around the block and I knew it was ok.

Anyway, two months after surgery, I have been gardening, walking around the grocery store (that with one crutch) and driving. Woo Hoo! I really thought it would take longer than this. It is still hard. My body has been pretty much immobile for two months and my stamina is just not there. The back and knee on the good leg are stressed due to an unnatural gait, but I know I can get back to where I was and am ready to begin. I'll start back to the gym today - I was going earlier but the combination of pulling my back out and annoying my husband for rides just made me decide to be patient and wait until I could drive myself. Now there is no stopping me!

Pain - 1 to 2 in the toes, swelling - 2 to 5.

day 61

So I've been trying the one crutch thing for a while. It works well at home but I suspect I've been regularly putting more than the 75% of my weight on the foot. That doesn't seem to be a huge problem, but I am more swollen and have been having more pain. It is just so nice to have at least one hand to carry things with. Since the one crutch at home was going so well, I got overconfident and went to the grocery store thinking I could do the shopping without the stupid sit down cart that makes me feel a bit humiliated. On hundred feet into the store, I knew that was a mistake and went back for the cart. The store just seemed so huge! Very sad.

Anyway, I've been pushing it a bit for the last few days so decided to try to take it easier today. Hopefully that will enable me to push it the next few days. I can't imagine working right now with this foot. Those of you who have gone back to work within a month or so have my admiration and sympathy. I'm worried about going back and teaching. I'm constantly on my feet what with the actual instructing and then wandering among the desks helping and keeping kids focused. Gonna have to do it from the front of the room for a while. Scary!

When I went out yesterday, I realized just how cooped up I've been. I was wheeling through Costco looking wide eyed at all the stuff. The thought going through my head was, "Gosh, there's a whole world out here and I'm missing it!" Cabin fever has taken over. I'm more than cranky, having hateful thoughts and just generally living far too much in my own head. Joni Mitchell has a song that says, "When you dig too deep, you lose good sleep and it makes you heavy company."  I'm pretty much there. Can't wait until this is over!

In the previous paragraph, I keep wanting to delete the "hateful thoughts" piece, but I think it's important for people who are thinking about this surgery just how hard it is emotionally so am leaving it in.

Off to do physical therapy.

Pain - 1 to 2, swelling 2 - 5 (yikes!)

day 59

I can't believe it's been almost two months! When I look back, I remember how hard it's been, but in hindsight, the time has gone fairly quickly. I remember my first doctor appointment. When in the waiting room, I watched people in various post surgery phases coming in for their appointments. Patients came in wheelchairs, on knee walkers and bearing weight on crutches. Observing them all, I kept thinking, "I'll be there someday." My next appointment won't even be on crutches. Very exciting.

It's easy to sit here, look back and talk about how well things went. The day to day, moment to moment, was and still is hard. For me, I am so close to 100% WB that it is hard to not just fling those crutches away and walk. I've come so close. That's probably why the swelling is a bit worse. I want to go hop in my car and drive. Really, the thing that stops me from just driving around the block to test things out is the fact I'd have to do it without the boot. That's a scary thought. The boot means protection and I'm not quite ready to take it off yet. To top that off, life doesn't always cooperate with what is going on with our bodies. As I've said, my Rottie had ACL surgery and I now have to take him out on leash. That sounds a lot easier than it is. This morning I finally got frustrated and dumped one crutch as we were negotiating the too narrow ramp off of our deck. That made things easier to hold onto the leash, but the one crutch was awkward. I was using it on the bad foot side, but have been practicing and it is easier on the good foot side. I think I'm going to one crutch it most of the time now because I definitely can do it while maintaining the WB restrictions. I don't know what we would have done if the dog had needed surgery when I was non WB. You do what you have to do, but it certainly would have been challenging!

Overall, my foot feels good. I'm off pain meds. I did want a Tylenol last night, but collapsed in my chair and pretty much forgot about it. I'm putting 75% (and sometimes more) of my weight on my surgery side, I'm confident I will be at 100% on schedule, which is in 1 1/2 weeks or so. It is possible I may be comfortable doing full WB ahead of schedule. I spoke to the nurses last week and they said that theoretically I could be 100% then, but I would have a lot more pain and swelling. They have found that doing it gradually is much easier on the patient, but that I am healed and to use my judgement. If it hurts, I've pushed too hard. Again, I can't believe I'm almost there. It's surreal.

Pain - 1, swelling - 2 - 4.

day 54

All things considered, things are going well. Pain is minimal. As far as swelling, I really have nothing to compare mine to, but my foot is always back to almost normal in the morning ao I figure that is going well. If my body could handle the crutch use better, I think I could be up all day without being too miserable. I'm not sure I could be up all day for multiple days in a row. I'd probably need a mid-week day where I take it a bit easy since my body is not back to 100% yet. My foot has done better than I imagined and I'm pretty sure I can be at 100% weight bearing on schedule - in two and a half weeks. Of course, I'm totally excited about that prospect!!!!!

This brings me to the crutches. I'm old. I've had 53 years to tear this body down and consequently have a cantankerous back and a wrist that needs a lot of mindful care to keep from swelling and hurting badly. For the most part, I've learned to live with my aging issues and they don't get too bad. Crutches change all that. My body moves unnaturally. Combine that with a walking boot that does not, by any means, promote a natural gait and I end up with a body that hurts. Now that I'm up and about more, I'm aggravating those susceptible parts. To put it bluntly, my back hurts like hell. I'm forcing myself to take it easy today because I can tell the back wants to go out on me and that is the last thing I want right now. I've been sleeping downstairs on the couch and I don't think that is helping either. Tonight I need to butt walk up the narrow, steep old farmhouse stairs to our bedroom and sleep in a real bed. Hopefully, that will help. My wrist is also threatening to become an issue too. Thankfully, being able to put weight on my foot has kept that at bay; I'm hoping I can keep it from getting worse.

As I think back to recovery and what to tell people who are going through this, I realize that, for me at least, the first two weeks were a blur where I don't know what I would have done without someone there most of the time to help me out. After that, progress was slow, so I'd say that the first 5 weeks were really rough. Pain, swelling, trouble being mobile or staying up long enough to cook simple things like oatmeal in the microwave, confusion on just how I should deal with all of that... made that time a challenge, to say the least. By the time of my 6 week post operation appointment, I knew I was going to be able to put weight on my foot and was able to start doing some things around the house with reasonable comfort. Now, a bit over 7 weeks out, I'm ready to roll and am looking forward to pushing things to get back to normal.

This has been a hard surgery. The lack of mobility is very, very difficult. Even if I could drive, it would be hard to go about life as usual. For example, going to the grocery store is fine, but how do you carry those groceries into the house? If you are going to do this or a similar surgery, do whatever you can to have people to help and understand you will be pretty incapacitated for quite some time.

I'm rambling, so time to sign off and go read on the deck.

day 49

I've been able to "walk" more. Yesterday I did to the end of our private road twice and went to the neighbor's house to ride their stationary bike. My last jaunt to the end of the road, at about 7 PM, took everything out of me. Today I am tired and just want to be lazy (getting too much into that habit) but will force myself to go to the gym.

 I did take the dogs out, but just in our pasture. They seem to like it that I am coming out with them again. Yesterday the lab, who is not your typical excited lab, got all wiggly and waggy when I came out with them. It was pretty cute. Tomorrow the Rottie gets his ACL surgery which should make things even more interesting. The vet keeps them for two days and I'm tempted to ask them to keep him for a couple more just so he's that much more stable when he comes home. I'm very nervous about taking him out on leash while I'm on crutches. He's the best dog we've ever had as far as pulling, but he is a large dog and if he sees his dog or people friends, he will get excited.

My foot is kinda swollen today. Yesterday, for the whole day, my toes looked like little sausages jammed together in a tight package. I kept massaging, icing, did a contrast bath, everything I could think of, but they just would not go down. I was a little worried, but this morning they looked fine. Still, the main issues I am having are with the forefoot and the toes. I really have no pain in the heel, very little mid-foot, but it hurts to massage and manipulate the toes and forefoot. I assume that's because of the tendon work on the toes because I know soft tissue heals a lot slower than bone. I can also feel the plate in my upper right part of the foot when I massage and it is not comfortable. I tend to avoid that area or just rub it carefully. Thankfully, I can't feel it when I walk.

So, in evaluating progress - I can partial weight bear, walk a bit of distance if I spread it throughout the day, do most of my physical therapy without pain including the ABCs with my foot and lots of circles... I do not need prescription pain meds any more, the heel feels great, I can stay up for over two hours without too much of an issue. I can do the bike for 20 minutes and am able to do some things at the gym.

Continuing challenges include the toes that really hurt when I try to do one of the therapy exercises where I gently push them down to keep the tendons from tightening up and pulling them back into claws, forefoot and toe swelling and no driving (sob!!!!). Also, it is weird because I do not normally sweat when I lift weights; I've just done them for so long that my body is used to it, but I soaked my hair and sweated like a..........well.....a pig when I went to the gym last time. Weird.

Pain 1 to 3 in toes and forefoot, swelling 1 in heel and 2 to 5 in forefoot and toes.

day 46

Good day. I did light walking (with the bad canines, of course) with weight bearing and then went to the gym. Of course, I wanted to do an amazing workout, but forced myself to take it easy. I did the bike for about 12 minutes, then did weights - upper and lower body. All in all, 45 minutes. The bike felt great. It seemed to flex my foot in a really gentle way and I think that doing that 3 days a week will help my foot a lot. I'd like to do it more, but I hate asking people to take me all over the place, so am trying to do the minimum of asking for rides. It felt great just to get out and do something normal! I was careful with the weights and did about 1/2 the weight of what I was doing pre surgery. Then I came home and made a huge salad so I'll be able to munch on it for a few days, fed the dogs and collapsed! I can't believe how tired I am. The foot is not too swollen, but I have massaged it about three times today and iced it right after the gym. I think I can do 20  minutes on the bike next time. Every time I want to push it, I have to remember that 2nd day of weight bearing when I pushed it too much and was pretty much down the entire next day. Moderation.

day 45

The first day I could bear weight, I was really careful and everything was fine. Yesterday I probably went 1/2 mile total - two trips outside with the dogs and then just puttering around the house. By evening, my foot was more swollen than it has ever been. The docs had given me some compression socks (and boy, are they ever attractive) and my forefoot was so swollen that there were "fat" rolls where the swelling was pushing out the elastic. I iced, elevated... and finally just gave up and went back to the old standby of lying on my left side with the foot elevated on a body pillow. By this morning it was down about 90%. I planned on taking it easy today only to have the day start off with my dog taking off with a neighbor dog who pretty much just runs all day. I spent an hour out looking for him all the while knowing he could hear me calling and was on ignore. I tried not to put too much weight on the foot. Out of total panic, I finally got in the car and was headed out to look for him - driving with the left foot - when a neighbor signalled that he was returning. I've dug out a long lead line and from now on he's going out on that. I can't be out chasing him all over the neighborhood. So now the foot is swollen again and I'm icing and just keeping it elevated. The dog is happily passed out on the floor as I send him knife-like glances.

All in all, I guess I'm justy glad I am able to have a bit more freedom. It's easier to crutch out in the pastures when I can support part of my weight on my foot. I can go farther. Yes, there is more pain. The plate in my upper foot hurt last night as did the right outside part. The toes are still the worst part, but the pain has definitely been eclipsed by the swelling. That is probably the main issue now - trying to find a balance between pushing things enough to have improvement and keeping the swelling to a manageable level. I can't immerse the foot in water until tomorrow because of the wire holes, but tomorrow I'll try a contrast bath. I'm also hoping to get the hubby to take me to the gym tomorrow as I can now do a stationary bike - I'll also try to get in some weights. Whoo Hoo!

Pain 1 to 3, swelling last night, 5 - this AM, 2 - now, 4.

day 43

I got up this morning and after my first day of PWB, the only part of my foot that hurt was the toes. I actually tend to think that pain was due more to the pins coming out and the semi-aggressive massage the physical therapist and I did yesterday. I've done the range of motion things twice so far today and it can be uncomfortable, but seems to help. I'm figuring out the scar massage thing and am able to identify the parts of the scars that need the most work because they are pretty inflexible. Walking is a bit uncoordinated, but I figure that will get better. It's hard to remember that I can actually put weight on the foot and I find myself hopping around and then, in mid stride remembering and almost tripping because I abruptly try to put the foot down, but my body doesn't quite "get it" in that split second.

I almost took a pain pill this AM for the toes but decided to try Tylenol and it seemed to do the trick. Hopefully that will continue - mainly because I hate pain! I'm going to try to walk to the back side of our pasture today. If I can do that, I can go to the end of our road tomorrow! So silly, this from the woman that walks 2 miles at 6 AM (dark, rain, whatever) every single morning. I guess I need to say "walked." Whatever, my dogs will just be glad I'm going past the deck with them. Last time I tried it my crutch ended up falling through into a mole hole and I almost went over. Hopefully the use of my foot can prevent that this time(:

day 42

Whoo Hoo! Got the pins out and can begin progressive weight bearing while still using crutches. First the pins. He began pulling one out and I got a bit nervous and verbal - no swear words. He stopped and I took a second to think and realized, "Ok, this is how it feels - weird but not really painful - I can deal with this." He pulled them all out and that was that. The pins were about 3 inches long! Yeouch! That's more of a psychological yeouch than a physical one. I thought they would be half that length. They said my X-Rays looked good; I do have a lot of hardware in the poor foot. From there I went to physical therapy and we practiced walking with up to 50% weight, she manipulated the foot, then gave me some exercises and massages to do and sent me on my way. I have the go ahead to do light yard work and ................................WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very exciting. By the end of 6 weeks I should be 100% weight bearing. At that point, I go back for another post op appointment.

I'm a bit nervous about walking for a few reasons. First, it feels awkward since that foot has been so out of commission. Putting it on the ground is a bit scary. Also, so many people have said that when they began weight bearing, the pain came back. I'm low on meds so asked for more. He was reluctant (Damn those people who abuse these things), but did give me a script for enough to see me through. Both the doctor and the physical therapist said that if I get pain, that means I've pushed it too far and to back off. One piece of advice I've gotten from them a few times is that if I wake up in the morning and I am still swollen, it hurts or is not better than whatever it was in the evening, then I've pushed it too far. That makes sense to me and is easy to monitor.

Pain - not up to a 1, but I took two Vicodin before the appointment because I was scared, Swelling - 2 to 3.

day 41

Tomorrow is my 6 week appointment. They will take the pins out of my toes (I'm terrified), X-Ray, give me more physical therapy exercises and ????? - don't know what else. As I've said, I'm hoping to begin weight bearing. That is such a small, unpretentious sentence, but in my head and heart, it is a huge step. I'll be so disappointed if I have to wait one or two weeks, but know that very well could happen. When I broke the foot, I did have to wait two more weeks to bear weight. I just wanted to cry, but didn't. Of course, the bottom line is to do what I have to do to make my foot heal. I'm actually excited to begin the range of motion exercises that I should be ready for because every little step means I'm that much closer to independence again.

Emotionally, things are up and down. Usually I can just kind of disengage my brain and slide through the day without thinking too much, but the last week has been tough. I spend quite a bit of time sitting outside with my two dogs who are used to a very active lifestyle. We have a lot of property, but not a fence that keeps them in. They've learned that it takes me a long time to get them if they decide to do what they want - which usually involves leaving the yard - so they've been pushing it. They took off a couple of times. I know they have probably just gone to the other pastures around us, but there's always the off chance they get into the yard with the mean dog or head out to the road, so I flip out. So after that, I was frustrated with being  useless. That got worse when the Rottie blew his ACL. Aaaarghhhhh!!!! So now he needs surgery. I won't be able to help him at all.  Frustrating! He's supposed to be kept on leash when outside and I can just see me trying to manage that with the crutches. Hopefully I'll be able to at least do 50% weight bearing by then and maybe I can manage it. I was pretty depressed for a few days, what with the dogs and the general frustration of not being able to do anything.  The feeling has passed and I'm back to numbly lazing through the days. It's amazing how little I can do. The scary thing is that being lazy becomes self-fulfilling. Last time I was on the stupid crutches for 8 weeks and I remember once I was given the go ahead to drive and walk, there was this small moment when I just didn't want to do anything, just continue being a slug. I'm recognizing that deadbeat urge rearing its ugly head in me again. Fortunately, I know all it takes is just to force myself back into the world that first time and it just takes off from that point. Can't wait to be there!

day 36

Three steps forward, two steps back. The foot has had swelling issues the past two days. Again, it's the toes that are the most problematic. I get this weird tight feeling on the underside of my foot just where the toes attach to my foot. It feels like someone has pulled fishing line tight at the bottom of each toe. When I feel there, I really can't feel where the toes meet the forefoot because it is too swollen and still probably 50% numb. I'm still at the point that it is a bit of a challenge to clean between the toes. A Q-Tip will barely fit between them with the space between the 3rd and 4th toe being the tightest. It's a bit uncomfortable to do. To combat this returned swelling, I've cut back on most extra exercises, am only doing sets of 20 on the physical therapy, am staying down more and am icing more often. Sigh. Thank god for all my electronic toys, TV and dogs to keep me company.

I've also had a sore back because all I do is lie around and, when I'm up, my body is not at all neutrally aligned. I guess I do remember the same thing when I broke this foot a while back and was non weight-bearing for 6 weeks. It's sad to work so hard to build a stong back only to have it turn to mush when something like this happens. At least I've had enough long-lasting setbacks that I know it's only temporary and things improve quickly once I'm back on my feet again (pun intended).

Yesterday was hot by Seattle standards and I so wanted to plunge into a pool and just lose myself in laps for a good hour. The surgeon said by the time I can swim, I'll be out of this cast so I knew I'd just have to be patient.

It really does help writing all this in a public forum. I'm forced to be as objective as I can and it helps me sort things out in my head. After reading and rereading other blogs, I know my progress is "normal" and I've tried hard to give info that will help others going through this gague their progress too. So it's helpful for me and hopefully for others. I'm starting to ramble, so it's time to sign off.

Pain -  2 with brief shooting 3s, swelling 4

day 34

The foot has basically stabilized with small daily improvements. I can stay up for quite some time - 2 hours or more. It really doesn't hurt from the swelling any more, but I'm not on it all day either. Since I'm still non weightbearing, it's hard to really be up for longer than a few hours - there's just so many things you can do when you rely on crutches. I think I could handle more up time. The foot does turn purple after being up for a while, but it just is not as painful as it was, and I'm grateful for that. I still take Tylenol in the AM, and have been taking a Vicodin in the PM, but am going to try to just do Tylenol tonight. The pain is more of an intermittent dull pain in the places they cut bone, and the toes (which are probably the most painful areas) have shooting, semi-intense pain at times. Overall, pretty manageable.

Other things have gotten better too. For almost 3 weeks or so, the only way I could keep the swelling down was to lie on my left side with the foot higher than the knee which was higher than the hip. That was a hassle! It was really hard to pretty much live on my left side. I can now lie on my back with the foot up and don't have to always have it over my heart either. I've been able to sit outside and read, which is nice because the weather is beautiful right now. I'd actually go weed the yard if I could figure out a reliable way to get up and down on one leg. I'm hoping that once I'm 50% weight bearing that I can do yard work. My husband would welcome the help.

One week from today the toe wires come out! Hooray!!! I'm really hoping I can begin 50% weightbearing then, too. The foot feels so good; hopefully that isn't just teasing me into thinking things are healing faster than they are.

One last thing - my scars are tiny and thin. It surprises me because I've had more surgeries than I'd like to think about and these are the nicest scars I've ever had. I think that in a year, you will barely be able to see them. Too bad they couldn't do that with the ones on my tummy.

day 28

Things are definitely looking up. Day 25 was probably my lowest point. Every time I got up, the foot swelled. I was feeling better and wanting to do things, but didn't know how far I could push the swelling so just sat around semi-depressed and restless. I spoke to the nurses at my surgery clinic the next day and they said since I was 3 1/2 weeks out, it was time to start doing things - not that I can do a lot - the crutches kinda limit me. After that, I began getting up for longer and longer periods of time. The nurse said my foot needed to get used to getting rid of the swelling and to get up for a while, then go down, then up... She initially mentioned two hours up and I laughed, but now I am able to do that and things are fine. I swell, then elevate with small baggies of frozen peas wrapped araound my foot with ace bandages, then I get up again. It seems to be working. I also discussed with them that I wasn't doing my physical therapy as much as was recommended (3 to 5 times a day) because by the early evening, I was just too swollen and sore. She said the exercises are designed to reduce swelling and that I needed to do them more; I was doing once or twice a day. Now I'm doing three times and it does help. The only down side is that I need to take pain meds in the evening to get through them and I was so wanting to be done with those things. Anyway, that's where things are now. I'm happy with the progress and looking forward to possible partial weight-bearing in 13 days. Cross my fingers!

Pain 1 to little shooting pains in the toes that go to 3, swelling 1 to 4.

day 25

Up and down. I've been doing my physical therapy, but not 3 to 5 times a day as they say - really just once, sometimes twice a day. Part of that is because later in the day, the swelling is so bad that I really don't want to get up and just make it worse because it is pretty uncomfortable. Today I decided to try to do it at least twice a day. Since I was on the floor anyway, I added a few more things in. Tonight I did some crunches and oblique crunches. I was surprised I could even do two sets of 25 and 16 respectively because I've been such a slug. I wanted to do more, but don't want to overdo it.  I did more hamstring exercises and added in extra stretches. I'd like to do free weights but getting into a good neutral position when I'm sitting, one foot is higher than the other and I can't put weight on that one is kinda challenging. My metatarsals are hurting now (top of foot where they sliced them in two and fused them) so I hope I didn't accidentally put pressure on them. Have to be more careful.

My husband wanted to go out to dinner tonight but I said no. I just can't handle the thought of coming home all swollen and miserable. When I spoke to the nurse on Monday, they said to check back in in a few days. I didn't because I felt like I really didn't have a good handle on exactly how the foot felt. Now I do, so I'll call Monday again. My main question is about the swelling. Is it best to just power through and do things anyway, or should I just be patient and keep the swelling down? That means I'm down the vast majority of the day. I just don't want to mess this up, because, believe me, it is hell just sitting around and I want to get past this ASAP! It is so hard looking out at the georgeous day and I can't go be a part of it.

Pain today - 0 - 2, swelling 2 - 4

day 21 - later

Since I'm trying to keep an eye on swelling, I was looking closely at the foot and noticed something. Before surgery, I'd been walking on the side of my foot and the place the edge of my foot met the floor was exactly where I'd had my Jones fracture - so I was walking on the screw they used to fix it. That screw exactly lined up with the edge of my foot so not only was I walking on it, it was probably being pushed upwards just a teeny bit with every step. No wonder it hurt! That spot is now about 1/2 an inch up from where my foot will hit the floor. Weird. It will be interesting to see how all this plays out. Can't wait to walk!

day 21

Three weeks down today. Three weeks to go before possibly beginning weight-bearing.

I mentioned the amazingly annoying toe tingling and numbness on my last entry. The doc's office spent quite a bit of time on the phone with me on Monday and said they didn't hear anything that scared them. The nurse told me to elevate more aggressively and not to avoid the pain meds so much. She also had me talk to their pain management people who said there are nerve drugs I could take, but most people find the side effects worse than the tingling. Basically, the drugs make you dizzy and "stupid." You can't put sentences together and your brain is fuzzy. Plus, you have to take them constantly, not as needed. I opted out on that one. I also have not been monitoring swelling very well, so they want me to keep an eye on that. I just figured swelling wasn't much of an issue, but when I started paying attention to it, realized it is.  Yesterday I stayed down way more than I wanted to, elevated, took Tylenol in the day and one pain med at night. The tingling was a lot better. Then today, of course, I was in the process of sitting down and the right crutch kind of stuck under my arm. I fell backwards into my chair (luckily) and kind of smacked the foot on the ground as I fell. My foot has been more painful since then. Two steps forward, one step back. Part of the problem with elevating is that it works best for me to be on my left side. I have a body pillow lengthwise and put a pillow on top of that at the foot. My foot goes on top of that. It's not the most functional position. I can read, but web surfing, navigating the iPad... is difficult. TV works in that position though. Being on one side a lot of the day though is uncomfortable. I try to switch around, but feel the swelling coming back so end up back on my side.

I'm trying hard to accept my limitations and just roll with it, but it is hard. Keeping the attitude up can be a challenge. My poor dogs who are used to going to the dog park, for as long a walks as the foot could handle and everywhere in the car are pretty bored. My husband has done an excellent job getting them out, but it's different. They're used to variety. I tell them this is so eventually we can go hiking and for really long walks again. I was even to the point where I didn't think the foot could handle walking on the beach either, so I assume we will be able to do that again too. Just thinking about it gets me excited. Some day.

day 17

Things definitely are improving by the day. Went grocery shopping and that was fine. Doing things doesn't exhaust me as much. I think it's probably a combo of less meds (only taking one in the evening when the day starts catching up to me), and just getting used to the whole nonweightbearing rigamarole. It is a hassle, I tell you. Everything takes so much longer. That is so hard for me - I want to be up and going until I crash into bed and, obviously, I can't. My forefoot really starts to swell. Other than that, the toes and, to a much lesser degree, the forefoot are the only things that bother me now as far as side effects. I have a tremendous tingling in the toes which seems to be getting more consistent. Up until the last few days, I could get into certain positions and the tingling, numbness went away, but lately that doesn't seem to work as well. It drives me batty. That's the only reason I took a pain med last night. It wasn't so much pain I wanted to go away, it was that horrid electrical buzz zooming through my toes. Last night was one of the first nights I didn't sleep well.

Here I begin this entry with how things are getting better, then proceed to compain. I guess it's all relative. As far as improvement, though, I have come a long way. I got up late this morning, fed dogs, made eggs (first time I've cooked since surgery), then cleaned the kitchen and watched TV for a while. After that I showered, went to the store and now I'm home. That's the busiest day I've had and I don't even feel exhausted - Whoo Hoo!

The docs said I may be able to begin progressive weight bearing after my 6 week appointment on July 12, so I figure I'm over a third of the way there. I need to not get my hopes up too much because if I have to wait longer, it will be such a letdown. Hope for the best, understand the worst can happen.

Day 14 -evening

I've been trying to get off the pain meds today. I took a half pill at about 5:30 AM and no more until now, 7:30PM. Most of the day has been fine. The toes hurt now. The toe next to the big one is the achiest, but the 4th toe is situated in such a way that it digs the metal pin hanging out of it into the foam in the walking boot. This is with no weight bearing! I discovered it this morning when I took the boot off and it kinda ripped out of the foam. I didn't know what else to do, so I put the boot back on and called the dr. office. They didn't call back, and I looked at the toe about 2 hours later and it was so embedded in the foam, I couldn't get it out. No one was home, the toe was literally impaled into the foam, I called a neighbor who agreed to come over, but just then I got it out. I called the nurse again and she did call back and we talked about some options - including coming into the office tomorrow if I don't find a solution. I finally cut a small square of paper about the weight of a manila file folder and taped it to the spot with packing tape. So far, so good, but I haven't been too active today, so we'll see. Why do I always get the really weird issues?

Pain 3 - 4 in second toe, the rest is a 0!

Day 14

Two weeks. People are right, by this time, things are improving. I'd like to get off the pain meds, but still feel more than just uncomfortable in my toes. The one next to the big toe is the most painful. It is a sharp,somewhat throbbing pain. The other toes hurt, but that one is the worst. I'm taking 1/2 a Vicodin when it starts to get more than I want to deal with. All the other surgical site are, for the most part, ready to be off meds.

Pain 2 to 4 in toes only.

Day 13

Got the stitches out and a walking boot that I can't walk in yet. I was scared they'd try to put my foot at a 90 degree angle because a lot of people have said their docs did that, but they didn't. It stung when the stitches came out. I was glad when it was over. Then they cleaned up the foot a bit, put on some steri strips and sent me on my way with a new cast.

I must admit, I was shocked when the cast came off. The strangest part was the missing little toe. I have cursed that toe for years and it has gotten worse and worse lately, but it was still weird to see it gone. My toes were straight and surprisingly long (who knew that they were long when they were all curled up?) but they were all lumpy with stitches and covered in dried blood. Definitely NOT a pretty foot! The arch was - dare I say it - perfect. It was like those arches you see on foot models that I'm always so jealous of because I know they are functional. I can't wait to see the foot in six months. It really is still Frankenfoot. Two sets of stitches on the outside, one at the heel for the calcaneal osteotomy, one kind of mid foot for the fusion. The toes, like I said, are the worst. Stitches on top of the foot, about mid way, then stitches on the leg where they lengthened the Achilles. Actually, I think there was one more set of stitches running along the outside along the Achilles. Wow! Lots of stuff!

Pain 2

Day 12

Am now home! It feels good. I think my parents were ready to be back to their normal routine too. I can't blame them. It's hard enough having visitors for 10 days, it's got to be a lot harder having an invalid. I took one extra pain pill for the trip home, which made me groggy, but at least not too painful. The toes are tingling and maybe hurting a little over 2 but not quite to 3. The dogs are happy. I was a little nervous they'd knock me off my feet, but they were good and subdued. The lab, Ferguson, just wanted to lick my exposed toes. Not the best idea.

Today has been a good day. I was up for about 20 minutes for breakfast - probably most of that sitting, but the foot was below the heart. I rested until the husband showed up, then up for 20 minutes more, into the car with foot up again, last into the house to collapse in my much missed favorite recliner. Ahhh. Good to be home. I'm, of course, hoping the "good day" today is a trend, but know enough to understand it may not be.

When I look back at other blogs, I notice those people were up and doing limited activities way before me. They were half my age, too. Anyway, it makes me wonder about my activity level. I just think that, for me, being careful now will pay off in the end. When I'm up and the foot starts to complain, I go down. I figure what's three months (or more) for the rest of my life? So I'm cautious.

Pain level 1 - not quite 3

Day 11

I've been living with my folks since the surgery as they have more time to help me, but tomorrow I'm going home. That is exciting for many reasons. I've missed my husband and dogs and just my home. I'm ready to be back in my space. It's a bit scary because my husband works long hours and I know, whether he's there or not, I'll end up doing more and I know that means swelling and pain.

I've been up more today. I had my second shower (woo hoo!), packed a few things and moved about a bit. We'll see how the foot feels after that. Last shower day was rough by the end of the day.

So, how does the foot feel? I'm still on two Tylenol every six hours and, 90% of the time, one 5 mg Oxycodone. Occasionally I take two. I take the Oxy every 3 to 4 hours. If I wait longer than 4 hours, I still get too much breakthrough pain. Amazing! I've had a lot of surgeries - one was a four step gut surgery done over about eight months. I was always off the meds after a week. Not so this time. If I'm up for 20 minutes or so, the foot begins to swell a bit and my toes get tingly. I also get a burning in the toe next to the big one - all toes except the big one have metal pins hanging out of them to keep the toes straight. Usually the outside of the foot by the ankle bone aches, but today the inside hurt. Weird. I am also getting occasional heel pain. That ends to be sharp and stabbing. None of this pain is unbearable except for the time I think I forgot my meds. The pain is the thing that reminds me not to overdo it. Last night my leg twitched and shuddered inside the cast and that hurt! It took a bit of deep breathing to relax and get back to sleep. Unlike some people, I've slept pretty well. I can usually sleep anywhere, anytime, so I didn't anticipate sleep issues, but you never know.

Pain - 2

Day 10

Time is beginning to be measured in pill doses and movies. It's such a hard thing to accept - doing nothing. I usually go from the second I wake up until I collapse in bed. If only there were a way to even out the "do nothing" times with the "do too much" times. So, the inability to do things in spite of the desire to do them is still the hardest part of this. When I broke this foot - the event that eventually led to reconstructive surgery - I remember the same thing. Once I could put weight on the foot, there was no stopping me. I got lots of curious looks walking two large dogs in the parks, grocery bags tied on my cast because of the incessant Seattle rain. The dogs and I were happy as clams to finally be out and about again. I don't think I'll be able to walk as quickly after this one. It sounds like baby steps will be the prescription.

Last night was rough at first. I don't know if I forgot a pill dose or not. The pain slowly got worse, I could feel a tremendous swelling in the pad on the ball of my foot, the cast felt tight (for the first time) and eventually the pins in one toe felt as if someone were shoving burning metal into the toe. Yeeeowch!!!! At first, I tried to combat it with elevation, some isometric exercises and not moving. Once the pins began hurting, I finally took more meds and, viola, the pain went away. I don't know why I resist or forget totally about taking more meds. Actually, I do know. They are a necessary evil.

Pain level - last night - 5 to 6, this morning - 2.

Day 9

I take it back! Now that the pain medicines are lowered to one 500 Oxy every 4 hours, standing up is "grit your teeth" painful. I'm getting to the point where I want to get up and do things but the foot is getting in the way. How dare it! Yesterday I was up for about 1/2 an hour in the morning - not totally up - I made oatmeal, sat while it cooked, did a few little things, sat and ate, then hit the wall. I had to go back to bed for three hours before the pain even began to subside. It wasn't,t a 10, but probably a 4 with some throbbing and tingling thrown in for good measure. I could have downed more pain meds, but wanted to see if I could do the lower dose and also understand there has to be some discomfort with this - it goes with the territory.
So I called in pain med refills and asked the guy about the whole management of pain thing. He said taking too much makes you think you are better than you are and taking too little = pain. You probably want to be uncomfortable, but not in pain. That made sense to me. So we'll try that with my mind still working on getting off these things because they kinda suck. I've taken left over pain meds for things here and there and that's ok, but this nonstop, every day thing is a drag. My head is loopy, I have a sour feeling in my stomach and I just feel "ugh,"
Never got my shower yesterday. I'm staying with my folks because my husband works long hours and we have a high maintenance household of big, energetic dogs and lots of stairs. My mom has ended up having some unexpected health issues beginning with a flu the day I arrived and progressing to either a bizarre medicine reaction or a mini stroke and there hasn't been a lot of time or energy for anything other than the most basic "feed me" type things. Yesterday she came home from the hospital MUCH improved, but I certainly wasn't going to insist on a shower because there were some logistical things she needed to help me with like getting my yoga pants over this humongous first cast. Hopefully today!

Pain level so far today - 2

8 days and counting

Last night I went down to one Oxy every 4 hours. So far, so good. I'm still on Tylenol every 6 hours. The pain when I put my foot down is still there - a bit worse than before, but not unbearable. Maybe a 5. It goes away pretty quickly - a surge, you can feel the blood rushing in, then it settles down. I got the impression I'd be screaming. For me, it's more like I endure it - no clenched teeth or anything - then it goes away.
As far as doing routine things, yesterday I washed my hair, today I hope to shower. Yuck! A week without showering. Pretty gross. I just didn't think I could manage it before. I think if it weren't for the whole swelling thing, I'd be up more. But swelling brings pain, pain is bad, so I stay down and elevated.
For mobility aids, I have the good old crutch and a knee scooter. The knee scooter was hard to find and I could not find one with a basket, but it is helpful when you need to move more than just to the bathroom. I asked about a wheelchair because a lot of people said one with an elevated leg thing is useful. The physical therapist said she thought I'd find it to be more trouble than it's worth. I'm still not so sure about that. Back to the knee scooter. When I broke my foot a while ago and needed surgery, they sent this long red one. It was way too long to negotiate our house, which is an old basic farmhouse - no wide hallway and big doorways. It just sat unused until I returned it. I might have used it outside, but it was winter with ice, my husband was working out of town and I just didn't want to chance it. I made sure I got a short (as in length) one this time and it works. I can see it being more useful than crutches because you have more use of your hands plus it is easier to use.

Pain 2 to 3.

7 days out

Surgery was last Tuesday. I,m calling this 7 days out because in my pain killer induced phase, I counted wrong earlier so, what the hay, I'll go with that.
My pain level is still manageable. I've been trying to cut down the dosage and/or increase time between dosages and my pain level has definitely gone up. I began with three 500 Oxycontins every three hours and two Tylenol every six hours. Yesterday I took the Oxy out to every four hours with a bit of increase in pain, but I was also up and about more. Today my goal is two Oxys every four hours, but ended up taking two more after three and a half hours as it was hurting too bad - maybe up to a four. I also forgot my Tylenol because I found it sitting on my dressing table. Since I wasn't totally sure it was the most recent dose, I'm waiting until the next six hour dose to take it because Tylenol is not something you want to double up on. It's nice taking less Oxy because it makes me feel pretty bad. My stomach gets sour, I'm delirious and just feel generally yucky. I hate pain mess, though, so will take them if I have to.
Today I'm noticing more swelling - I guess because I've been up more, but "up more" is relative. Maybe a total of thirty minutes spread out through yesterday. Add physical therapy, which I do in bed, to that, but that's not too time consuming yet.
The most comfy position for my foot seems to be on my side, clutch a body pillow to me, pile two thick pillows under the lower leg and keep semi-still. When I'm on my back, things get a bit tingly and I don't like that.
I hope this detail helps someone. I've tried to include things I wondered as I prepared for this. I know the blogs helped a lot. I found tons of things out there on flat foot reconstruction, but not a lot on high arch reconstruction.
Oh yeah - the doctors did end up doing all five procedures they talked about. I think they added one more tendon transfer, but am not sure.

Pain level last night an average of 2, today an average of 3.

day 5

I'm home from surgery. I am doing this on the cell phone, and am not sure it will even post, so will make it short. The biggest surprise is I am not in the pain I was scared of. Maybe a 2 average. Second, the sitting around is making me NUTS and, last, I truly hate the pain meds, but know I need them. Will try to get the damn iPad that I bought to blog on enabled to blog.

pain level 1 to 3

8 days and counting

My surgery is fast approaching. I'm resigned. I keep getting these little panics that shriek quietly (if that's possible), "Don't do it!!!!" Sometimes they half convince me. But then I walk across a lawn and have to be so careful or find myself looking for every small pebble in the road to avoid it because it could send me sprawling. That's the point. Trade 3 months and possibly more of hell and more months of slow recuperation for stability, straight toes and a foot that is no longer twisted.

I've been preparing forever. Since I won't be able to drive, I've stocked up on everything I can think of so my husband and parents don't have to do all those little trips for me. I'm ready to sit, pull out the new iPad and Kindle and chill. Now I need pictures of the soon to be old foot to compare.

My pre op appointment made me feel more comfortable. They are going to start with soft tissue, then progress on to bone if needed. They plan on keeping an open mind about what to do, which I like. Hopefully all those years of stretching will pay off and they won't have to do as much as if I didn't stretch.

One month and counting

The day is getting closer and I am pretty scared. I've been busy researching (obsessively) things to make life easier afterwards. I've scheduled a knee scooter, think I've found some ergonomic crutches that will make it easier on my damaged wrist, begun to stock up on supplies, frozen a lot of soup... Still need a shower stool. I saw a cool cast cover online that you can supposedly swim and surf in. I'd be happy with a good shower, but the reviews said it's the real deal. I'll run it by the doc. If he says he doesn't know, maybe I'll try swimming on a day the cast is being replaced. Of course, I have no illusions that I'll be swimming that first two months. I'll be happy if my husband takes me to the gym once I can actually move about. There have to be some machines I can use. After my broken foot and surgery a year and a half ago, I know I didn't feel like doing anything that first three weeks and that was one procedure, not five! Aaaaaahhhhh! Very scared.

final surgery date set

I have finally gotten my June 1, 2011 surgery date. When the scheduler called and told me they could do it, I was excited because that works best with my job, but terrified because I finally got what I wanted and that means I really have to do this. Of course, I know I have to do it. I can barely walk on anything that isn't glass flat. Two and a half months and counting.

got the list of procedures + tentative surgery date

I met with the surgeon and a few other people today - nurses, schedulers and nurse practitioners. At this moment, they want to do 5 procedures to my right foot.  The lateral calcaneal osteotomy, a longus to brevis tendon transfer, a midfoot osteotomy and fusion,  percutaneous tendon achilles lengthening, and girdlestone taylor transfers to straighten the toes. It's scary, but I was actually excited at the prospect of no more claw toes on the right foot at least and a straight foot. I wanted a June 1 surgery date because I'm a teacher and that gives me 3 months to heal so I can drive to work. They are scheduling into September at the moment, so  we set up a Sept. 14th date and they will try to get me in on a cancelation. I'll call every two weeks or so to try to get that June date because I really can't do September. I'd have to put it off until next summer which I do not want to do. The doc said my left foot will probably need it someday too, but at this point, I think it works pretty well.

If anyone reads this that has had these procedures, of course I'd love to hear from you. So many questions. Pain is the subject of most of them. This hospital keeps you in at least one day , but they reserve two days in hospital just in case. The first surgeon I spoke to, it was done on outpatient basis. Yeouch!!! That was enough to turn me off! The other major subject for questions is recovery, but I think I can figure that one out pretty well, it's just nice to hear lots of voices, put them together with what I know about me and predict.

upcoming foot reconstruction

Here goes. I am a 52 (almost 53) year old woman who has had pes cavus feet all my life. I first knew they were weird when my friends in junior high used to make fun of them. Junior high is such an evil age- most of us have post traumatic stress disorder from then. Anyway, the right foot has slowly gotten less stable. I finally broke it and had to have surgery last November and it has never been the same. If the walking surface is at all uneven, I run the risk of, at a minimum, rolling my foot out, but usually of falling. It hurts 75% of the time. The whole thing sucks. So, after lots of custom orthotics going way back before the break, a few specialists and some docs who are semi clueless, I have finally decided to get the foot fixed. I saw a doc in Seattle that actually appeared to understand my feet - what a relief! I go in on Jan. 25th to have a CT scan and a consult where we discuss what to do. I'm very scared. I had another surgeon (who I wasn't sure got my feet) discuss lateral calcaneal osteotomy and tendon transfer, but this new guy is talking way more bone cuts and tendon issues and pins. The funny thing is, he made sense.

I probably won't post a lot until I know what will happen and then until the actual surgery - who has time???? I figure once I'm incapacitated and unable to do anything, there will be plenty of time to post. It will give info. to all the people out there like me who have tried hard to find out what this surgery is like and who can't really find anything they understand but blogs.