day 115

Two days without the cast. It, so far, feels better than I thought. This evening, the foot felt tired and sore; a bone sore. It wasn't unbearable, but I knew I needed to take it easy for the evening. My husband has been pretty amazing. He's been cooking more than me lately. That gives me a break in the evening when I'm the most tired and the foot needs to just chill.

The back is a different story. The bones/muscles in the lower back, each about 2 inches to the side of the spine are still a big problem. I think this is something that was a little bit of a problem before surgery, but I kept my back really strong with swimming and weights so it wasn't too bad. After 3 months of sitting on my butt and not working out, I'm no longer strong. Since I began walking in the cast, those back muscles have gotten worse and worse. I went to the Chiro yesterday and it was not my usual guy who is always careful. When the new guy adjusted the lower back, my body just screamed and so did I. It hurt so bad! Then I went for a massage and as she was moving down my back on either side of the spine, those muscles seized. I screamed. The poor lady. I was trembling it hurt so bad and did not want her to even touch my back again. She applied heat and worked on the leg for a while and once she got back to the spine, it was relaxed enough that she could gently massage it. Needless to say, I was on pins and needles the whole time so left the office worse off than when I arrived. I came home and took a muscle relaxer and that finally at least calmed things down enough that I could move without worrying that the back was going to seize again.

I have to keep reminding myself of the progress I have made and that I need to be patient. On a really positive note, I walked in our pasture with my shoe (as in no cast) today and I'm pretty sure the foot feels way more stable. That's what I wanted, so let's hope it wasn't just wishful thinking.

pain 1, swelling 1

day 113

I am getting to the point where I think the cast is doing more harm than good to my body. My back continues to scream in spite of massage, chiropractic and being careful to try to not make it shriek. It is because one leg is shorter than the other and I have yet to find a left shoe that matches the height of the cast. My PT said to start going longer without the cast (like 15 + minutes at a time) and in my head I knew the thing would not touch my foot when I am home. I just can't. Ok, I guess if the foot starts hurting more than the back, I'll wear the cast more, but I hope that does not have to happen. I think the leg is ready. I know it will be a challenge. I can do it (: The leg does feel a bit stressed, but I figure that's part of making it stronger.

Walking normally is still a struggle. I tried to do it yesterday for my PT, and it was a dismal failure. I keep wanting to roll out (but not as much as before), the length of my steps is uneven, I want to walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame with a shuffling, lurching gait. It's all very ugly. He gave me a "modified duck walk" to do in the evening for 5 to whatever minutes. I imagine it's designed to retrain the brain more than the foot. I have to slightly bend my knees and walk so I will bend at the junction of the foot and the leg. It was hard to do, but most things get easier with practice, so.................

My toes hurt today, especially the tip of the 4th one. They're not used to walking in shoes. My only thought is they better suck it up and deal with it.

I'm swimming and weight-lifting again. I started all over from ground zero and have been adding laps or reps more slowly than I want, but it is working. My arms are stronger especially. The legs seem to be slower, but I did notice what I think is a teeny bit of definition in the right calf. Pretty exciting. I need to measure it so I know for sure if it is getting stronger or if it is just wishful thinking.

Pain 1 in the toes, swelling 1.

day 110

The cast is still on my foot -aaaaaarrrrgggghhhh! I am going castless 2 times a day for 5 minute intervals, but do stretch that a bit when I'm in the middle of something like loading the dishwasher or straightening the house. I don't stretch it much - I want to follow my PT's instructions as well as possible. The foot/leg is getting stronger and those 5 minutes get easier and a bit more "graceful" each time. I put graceful in quotes because none of it is very fluid; I feel like I'm walking crooked and it feels clumsy. The back is still screaming off and on. Massage with a good therapist works wonders, but what I really need is to get the cast off. My PT says about 10 days and I can start getting it off for way more time. My fingers are crossed. Swimming also helps the back and I'm working on getting back up to a mile. It is slow work because I don't want to overdo it and have to go backwards. I began with 12 laps and am going to do 22 to 24 today. I'm adding two laps a week. I also started at ground zero on weights. That is really hard because the mind keeps saying, " 30 pounds," and I have to do 10. I guess all good things come with time. One my coworkers had a fusion last year and he keeps telling me I just have to be patient. Easy to say, hard to pull off!

Pain - 1, Swelling 1 - 3.

Day 102

I had my follow up with my new PT. Again, the guy impressed me. He had me do all the exercises he had given me. As I was doing them, he and his employees were kinda in and out checking my form. He asked if anything was bothering me and when I said yes, he watched me do the exercise and showed me an alternative way to do it so it wouldn't bother my knee. He showed me how to watch in a mirror as I do my toe lifts (sitting, not standing) and how to keep my heel from wobbling as it goes down.We talked about the foot still wanting to roll out even in the cast and he showed me that if I shortened my steps and concentrated that the foot would stay more level. We also talked about the gym and what to do and not do there. I trust him, so I asked point blank if he really thought I could improve because I was feeling a bit defeated. He said ,"Yes," and that my biggest challenge was going to be to retrain my brain to not allow my foot to do what it's been doing for so long. So I've been working hard on doing things carefully and thoughtfully. I think I already notice a difference. I can kinda tell when the foot is kinda turning out and today after PT, the gym and swimming realized it was too tired to stay in proper form so sat and relaxed for a while. I'm not as far along as I had hoped by now, but think the things I am doing are helping, so............ Must be patient.

Day 99

Ok, so I'm kinda depressed. I went to my 12 week appointment and the doc told me to take off the boot and start walking. He said to let pain be my guide. I thought I was to do physical therapy that day as the packet they gave me before surgery said the 12 week appointment had that in it. I asked. He said he'd send me if I wanted to go. I went. The therapist said there was no way I should be walking with the limp I still had. I'd also noticed I was still walking on the edge of my foot even in the boot.She spent a lot of time with me, I asked a lot of questions and she sent me home with a small list of exercises and a gradual walking schedule. It turns out my foot is still turning out. She said that I have to retrain my muscles and my brain. She also said to find a PT where I live and have follow up with them. I know a good one, so I said I'd contact him. She said he might override what she said and to follow his guidelines since he will be the one following up. I left a bit overwhelmed and knowing I had my work cut out for me.

I started out on the routine she gave me and immediately had issues. One, I was supposed to do these inversion exercises with a yellow resistance band. I don't know why she didn't give me one, but she didn't. I could not find one in the stores so I did those exercises without one until I went to see the PT by my house because I knew he'd give me one. The PT at my surgeon's office said I was supposed to begin walking without the boot 2 times a day, beginning with 1/2 hour and increasing (if possible) the time by 15 minutes a day. When I was without the boot (inside only for at least 2 weeks or longer), I was to concentrate on walking with my foot and leg in "proper form", as in not rolling out. That was way too much and within three days my foot and leg were too tired to even do it in proper form. She had said to do it in "quality, not quantity" steps, but I felt like I had not pushed it and it was still too much.

Then I went to the guy here. He said no walking without the boot yet because he agreed that with all the things I had done, that was too much too soon. He gave me a schedule of things to do, carefully showed me how to do them, gave me a handout that explained them, had me do them there and set up another appt. three days later. He also gave me a yellow resistance band. Duh. I'm not sure if I was supposed to buy one at the other place or what, but I was so overwhelmed with all the things she told me that I just didn't think. She also did not give me any sort of a handout so it was hard to remember everything. I saw the new guy yesterday and I am doing his exercises with more success than the things the other place told me to do. His routine is more conservative and he actually explained the rationale behind them in a way that made more sense. For example, I had my toes straightened and have been bending them down since 6 weeks. I thought this was a simple stretch, but he said it is really designed to break up the scar tissue that forms and pushes your toes up again. Because of that, you need to do it more than a stretch - say at least 5 times a day. I was never told how often to do it, assumed it was a stretch and was doing it twice a day.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I guess the summary is I am bummed that my foot is still not boot free, feel a bit misled and neglected by the surgeon's PT, am happy with the new guy and want to be normal now, not later. I also worry I'll never get over the rolling out thing. I am determined to make the best of whatever happens and remind myself daily that I plan to kick butt again some day.

Pain 1 in foot, was up to literal screaming pain in my back due to the gait I have in the stupid boot, but am now wearing a smaller boot I had lying around and things seem to be getting better. Swelling 1 to 3.